Renewal

“No wireless. Less space than a nomad. Lame.” — cmdrtaco, Slashdot.org, 2001, reviewing the first iPod

“$400 for an Mp3 Player! I’d call it the Cube 2.0 as it wont sell, and be killed off in a short time… and it’s not really functional. Uuhh Steve, can I have a PDA now?” — elitemacor, macrumors.com, 2001, responding to the original iPod announcement

These quotes are from ma.tt‘s website/blog. The article that I was reading is titled, 1.0 Is the Loneliest Number. Well, while reading that article and at the same time Stemmings’ essay, Don’t (an essay which will light a fire under your butt even if you are just a designer in training or aspire to be and do anything in your life, regardless of age), something came to mind: Fear of Failure or, its cousin, sister, brother, whichever, Fear of success. I remember when I was to start this blog, I thought who would read it? Who would care? Who would take the time to read the “essay’s” I write? However, so far I am seeing a steady up-tick in viewer-ship and those who follow the blog. So, reading these blogs prodded me to write this and to also share the sites so that others can read them and refuel themselves and do what it is that they want or have wanted to do.

Fear of failure.

What can I say about that!? Well, every ideas and thoughts that come to mind are ones that I know could have worked, since I see this app here, that site there and this product over here working for the ones whom were not afraid to follow their instincts regardless of test or market research. So, my downfall was doing the opposite of Nike “Just Do It” motto. I nitpick the heck out of those ideas and thoughts to the point that I overwhelmed myself and gave up, eventually, since nothing was being done and I had not only become my own worst enemy but crippled myself in and with FEAR.

Fear of success.

The opposite of failure!? Hugh!! who would have thought that one would actually fear succeeding in his endeavor?? [Hand raised] I am right here, the one who actually thought that he actually succeeded in his endeavor(s) would be a problem since he probably would lose it all again and have to go through this struggle once more [scratching head]… You see I come from a family that was well of, in the islands, and then came to not. So, in my mind I have rationalized that succeeding would bring in more pain than I am willing to deal with since I went through it already. [shaking my head], such was my state.

Thank god for knowledge, wisdom and understanding. Reading on Matt Mullenweg‘s (who by the way gave us WordPress :-)) and Stemmings’ sites were a welcomed breath of more fresh air. I had already started to work on the many ideas that I had years ago, which I did write down, and the updates to those ideas, since we are further along in technology. LOL… I am so happy that we have great people, minds and doers who, even though they may not know everybody they touch, are indeed great mentors, regardless of age, sex, color, religion or creed!!

Hope this also helps someone else to start over with a peace of mind. By no means is it easy to just pick up from where you left things or gave up but ONE DAY AT A TIME, works just fine.

 

Love Unconditional…

SR

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Apathetic

Apathy…!?

I don’t really know what to say about that except that it happens more often than I care to. See, I have been without work for sometime now and though I am OK with that situation, not because I am lazy or withdrawn, but because I want to take my life in a new direction, re-purpose myself and do all that I have wanted to do ever since I can remember. I have always wanted to create and by writing, designing and programming, or learning how to program, I am heading towards owning my company and doing what I love.

The way my not having work ended up happening was actually a blessing in disguise and I am learning to work with it and around it. I had mentioned on my post, The point where…, that I have decided to go the way of LOVE(Living, Overcoming, Viral, Eternal) and how hard it is to do so in a world that thinks that LOVE is a weak emotion and lifestyle. Well, nonetheless, the main reason for this post is not about how LOVE may or may not be perceived but rather how this journey that I started on can be tumultuous. Tumultuous, may be a bit strong but it is what I feel nonetheless, and I want to share how I am navigating this arena, which is somewhat new for me.

As a child, I have always been spiritual but tradition and religion had, somewhat, made some impact on my life as well. Coming from a family of Catholics, and pagans. Part of my immediate family are truly religious and the other part “pagans”, at least from the point of view of the religious. As I grew up, maintaining the objective part of myself was eroding and eventually I ended up with a hybrid sense of view, which did not really help me as I analyzed it for what it really was, judgment. I hate judging others because I am no saint, even if I was a saint judgment is a deity’s job. I know that we are to have standards, morals, etiquette and the like, but does that mean that these things makes me better than others or worthy of judging someone else, I think not.

You may ask what does this have to do with being apathetic!? Well, I think that my lack of emotion, my unresponsiveness, has to do to with part of my past, present and future. My past points towards religiosity, my present towards inclusion, my future, so far, towards LOVE. Religiosity has made me hateful, vengeful, and pessimistic. Inclusion has made me doubt most of my upbringing, school of thought and the God I was brought up in. LOVE makes me see the real God, destroys my preconceive notions and brings in a lot of mystery with her. So, apathy seems to have been developed because so much change has happened, is happening and will continue to happen which leaves little room or time for processing. In essence, I have become numb, at this moment in time and life.

So, the question remains, how to I get out? I have come to understand that LOVE is the answer to my woe at this time. The very lady who has caused this is the very one to get me out. LOL!!! that is so ironic, I think! The bible, though used by some for ill purposes, does carry within it many pearls of wisdom and truths which lady LOVE has used to clean me up and use as a part of my re-education. In Corinthians 13:3-7, in the Message version of the bible, it says:

If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

So, after reading this, again, I have been refueled and I am also looking at other great faiths, authors and teachers to see what they have written, said and/or done about or on lady LOVE. I call her she because to me that is how I see LOVE, as the greatest mother, sister, partner, friend, lover and the greatest woman ever. Though not a woman, myself, I have had great teachers in my life who have been women. I am not saying that there aren’t great men out there just that on the subject of LOVE, my exposure came from women. I am not talking about sex here, so don’t go there. Nonetheless, I just wanted to share with you that if you are one experiencing what I am going through, that I am with you and that you are not alone. Read on LOVE, for I believe that she will lift you up. LOVE is not just emotional, she is also a way of life.

Love Unconditional…